When you think of hospitality, chances are you will be in one of two camps: either your heart will swell and you’ll fling your front door wide open with a welcoming smile, or your pulse will race and you’ll turn off all the lights while you hide in your bedroom. Try saying the word “hospitality” out loud— do you hear “spit” in the middle or “tea” at the end? Disclaimer: I am no expert in the hospitality department by any stretch of the imagination, so today I am totally #preachingtomyself —but with Easter looming, swiftly followed by Mother’s Day and then a whole summer of BBQ’s and opportunities to iron the tablecloth (no, I don’t do that either), let’s take a prompt peek at the why’s and how’s of hospitality…
Fifteen years ago, we moved into our current house as a temporary measure (!) We had sold our previous house and the one we had hoped to buy fell through, so we rented this one out of desperation. It was super-pricey but we had 3 kids and a dog, so the short-term rental pickings were slim. Long story short, we discovered the owner wanted to sell—and we had already fallen in love with the home and the location. I sat on the top stair and prayed. I wanted to grow my family right here—it felt perfect. I also told (it might have been promised) God that if we could stay in this house, I would be Miss Hospitable—it would be His home and we would use it for His glory. Big words. I’m fairly sure I’ve been lacking on my part (thankful for the grace)… especially when I’m reminded of verses like this:
So how do we take the “spit” or the stress or the hassle out of hospitality?
SPONTANEITY: Yeah, being spontaneous with hospitality gives me palpitations too, but sometimes on-the-spot invitations are the way to go. “Come back to our place!” Thing is, when your visitors know you’ve had zero prep time and there will most likely be balled-up socks and dirty dishes galore, it takes the pressure off in many ways. It’s the real deal. See what you can rustle up in the way of nourishment—your guests will be grateful for grilled-cheese sandwiches if it means they haven’t had to make lunch themselves. Am I right?
Check out the story of LYDIA —she met the Apostle Paul and some of his posse, believed and was baptized, and then invited them all back to her place immediately. No time for even running a vacuum over the rug. You guys, that’s spontaneous hospitality right there…
SIMPLICITY: Why, oh why do we overcomplicate our lives? When we open our homes to someone, we really don’t have to present a full-on three course meal complete with live music in a show-home environment (unless that’s your thing!) One of my favourite evenings was when we invited a couple over for a Friday night dinner and they suggested bringing take-out pizza… umm yes! I threw together a salad and make a chocolatey dessert (because chocolate actually IS my thing) and BOOM! A relaxed, fun night with minimal preparation and negligible cleanup!
SANITY: Sanity is essential when you have visitors in your home. It just is. Frantic frenzies are a no-no. Not fun for you and not fun for your guests to witness. Shouting, “Everything’s fine!” from the kitchen whilst spilling spaghetti sauce down your white blouse, cleaning up puppy puke, and rescuing the charcoaled pie from the oven is so not cool. If the visitors are your friends, trust me—they’ll want to give you a hand. If they are brand new people and you’re trying to make that awesome first impression—why? Why do that to yourself (and your poor, cowering family)? Keeping it honest is key. Yorkshire puddings flop, chicken can be dry, cookies burn, and puppies puke. It’s all good. Truthfully, do you really think your guests are at your place merely for your food? Dogs are not a detriment and kids are not cumbersome—your house is a HOME.
Our English bulldog breaks wind to break the ice. It doesn’t get better than that.
“The heart of hospitality is about creating space for someone to feel seen and heard and loved. It’s about declaring your table a safe zone, a place of warmth and nourishment.” Shauna Niequist, Bread and Wine
***Shauna Niequist is the Yoda of hospitality in my eyes, and if you haven’t ever read Bread and Wine, you don’t know what you’re missing! She’s humorous and honest about all things food, opening up your home and your heart, plus there are some amazing recipes, which I use regularly in my kitchen. If you would like to pick up a copy, here’s my Amazon affiliate link (full disclosure here) which means I get a tiny commission while you pay the regular price for Bread and Wine right HERE.***
May I humbly offer a few practical pointers as to how we can actually not spit when we say “hospitality”? Methods of less stress are always on my radar:
- Keep a container of cookies or treats in the freezer. Don’t panic, you can use store bought of you’re not a baker. Somehow, if they’re in the freezer they are less likely to be found and devoured by “other” family members. (You might want a friendly “KEEP OUT” label attached.)
- Make sure there are always beverage options at hand—both hot and cold (even ice and a lemon or lime to slice up in your fancy water!)
- Throws/ blankets are great to have around the place for keeping the chill at bay for outdoor entertaining or all the cozy feels for indoors in the winter.
- Have a great playlist of some pleasant background music to fill any potential awkward silences (unless you have young kids, and then there will be absolutely no chance of silences.)
- Create a short-list of “go to” recipes you are confident making. You want this to be enjoyable for YOU, too! Do not attempt a brand new complex menu with potential for disaster, unless they are REALLY good friends, who will not mind running out for pizza should calamity strike. If dinners intimidate you, invite them for dessert and coffee or a glass of wine instead.
- Let perfectionism go. I know, this one is tough for some of us. We want everything to be… perfect. But seriously, your guests won’t remember the dust bunny in the corner of your kitchen but they will remember your kind invitation and how you opened up your home. They won’t remember the uncut lawn but they will recall the conversation you had sitting on the patio sipping coffee.
The thing is, we are supposed to open our homes and our hearts with JOY: “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Peter 4:9) I’m pretty sure “without grumbling” can loosely be translated as “without spitting”. And how do we get to this place of joy in our hospitality? By thinking of our guests more than thinking of ourselves, our reputation, our culinary abilities, and our spotless house. By putting them first. Imagine that…
Your fellow work-in-progress,
Linking up with some fabulous encouragers! Check them out:
Laura, this is fabulous! We typically host only two large events in our home: Thanksgiving with my extended family, and our annual Friends & Family Tea in March. I jokingly tell my husband they motivate me to make sure the house is thoroughly cleaned twice a year. This year I finally figured out that the folks we invite are there for the fellowship. When I began to let go of perfectionism, I began to take the “spit” out of hospitality. Blessings from your neighbor at Kelly’s.
Hi there Alice— thanks so much for your comment! I love the idea of your Family & Friends Tea 🙂 Isn’t it a sweet relief when you realize you DON’T have to be perfect and that hospitality is actually about relationships? I need the reminder on a regular basis… Blessings to you!
I love this and couldn’t agree more! Keep it simple and people enjoy it SO much more! <3
Thanks for stopping by, Meredith! Isn’t that the truth? Let’s hear it for SIMPLE! Blessings to you!
Laura, this is such great timing. After a super hectic week of later night meetings with colleagues and hardly seeing my family, I’ve decided to host a friend who’s in town for a few days. What was I thinking, right?
Well, I’m going to take your advice and focus on the heart of hospitality rather than a super clean house. That takes a load off already.
By the way, I was your neighbour at FaithFilledFriday today. 🙂
Marva | SunSparkleShine
Oh, Marva, that’s so cool to hear! Firstly, wow to you for even attempting to host after a week from Crazyville, but yay for choosing to focus on relationship rather than the other stuff. I just know you’ll make some precious memories 🙂 Have a wonderful time!
HI Laura! This is so spot on! (I am also a huge Shauna Niequist fan!) Stopping by from Tell His Story, Blessings~
Hi Katharine— thanks ever so much for stopping by with your encouragement! It’s so appreciated… and it’s lovely to meet another Shauna fan ? Blessings to you!
Such a lost practice in a society that thinks it’s so connected… maybe not that connected at all! Thanks for the reminder of what we should strive for; the sometimes uncomfortable, but more rewarding face to face time, rather than the easy, less rewarding face to screen time. Cheers!
Sam— you are so spot on! Face-to-face is so much richer than face-to-screen (she says, with face in screen!) Opening your front door is like opening a little piece of you and your family and your heart… I have much work to do in this area 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to encourage me today— much appreciated. Have a wonderful Friday!
Laura, this is great advice. I’m guilty of making waaaay to big a deal out of hospitality. Thanks for this. I needed it! Thanks for faithfully linking up at Faith ‘n Friends Link Party! God bless you!
Thanks so much, Deb— don’t worry, there are many of us with those guilty feelings! 😉 Always my pleasure to link up at Faith ‘n Friends. Blessings to you!
Laura – Glad we’re neighbors at Holley’s. I was so blessed by your thoughts on ho-spit-ality (and, I’ll never be able to look at that word without seeing spit!) and the quotes from Shauna Niequest’s book (love it, too!). Great ideas!
Thanks for stopping by, Sandra— I hope I haven’t ruined the word “hospitality” for you forever! 😉 Shauna’s such a gem! Glad you enjoyed the post, I so appreciate the encouragement. Blessings to you!
I hear tea – shall we share a cuppa!
Love this! And love that there are some who actually hear “tea”! Yes, absolutely—I’ll be right over… ?
Super, Laura! Please join my hospitality FB page and share this whole post! WelcomeHeart, WelcomeHome. (:
PS just walked the dog around the neighborhood – a young man called out: What kind of dog is that? Ended up invited him and his two brothers (all here in CA from Chicago) for Easter brunch – (: Will need to kennel the doggie – too excitable…but looking forward to adding these young men to the Donaldson clan along w/ 3 other families, kids, but no more dogs…I will add to the potatoes…
Thanks so much, Sue— I’ve sent a request to join the page! Oh my, you have taken hospitality to the next level—that’s absolutely wonderful! These brothers will be SO blessed celebrating Easter brunch with you and your family and friends. Goodness, you have quite the gathering happening and it sounds fabulous! You should probably start peeling those potatoes now… Thanks for your encouragement, have a blessed Easter! 🙂
Thank you Laura! You are spot on when it comes to hospitality and welcoming others into our home. Sometimes I feel inadequate, but that thought is temporary and fleeting (thank goodness), because the bottom line is about our role to welcome people, make them feel at home, be real, lose the perfection tendencies (I’m talking to myself here), and go with what we have. No need to get fussy and hide behind whatever facade is lingering nearby. Just be real, sincere, love them, care for them, and enjoy the conversation and the memories being made. Enjoyed your post so much.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words, Mitzi! Yes to the memory-making and the loving on our guests 🙂 Blessings to you!
Laura, I love the creativity of this post and the practical advice! Saving this for my transition to a new home over the next few months.
Thanks so much, Crystal! Oh how exciting to be moving to a new home… glad I hit on an apt topic! 😉 Blessings to you!
This was an amazing article. I laughed out loud at the dog breaking wind comment. I used to have people over a lot, but somehow I lost rhythm and haven’t been able to get back into the groove. Thank you for the reminder to not make things so difficult or think every dog hair must be vacuumed away. I am reposting this on my FB and twitter and will begin following your blog immediately! Blessings!
Thanks for your huge encouragement, Darlene— I’m both humbled and thrilled that you are reposting and following! And as for the bulldog gas issues… she keeps me grounded! ? Blessings to you!
This was awesome! You laid it out perfectly & sweetly. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face, and some relief go my guilt for my lack of hospitality skills!
Thanks so much for stopping by, Amanda, and for your kind words! Glad I could bring a smile and some relief— and hopefully take that “spit” out of hospitality! ? Blessings to you!
This is great advice, Laura! Thanks for recommending the book by Shauna. I will check it out!
Thanks so much, Sarah! Such a good book—and the recipes are an added bonus 😉 Blessings to you this Easter weekend!
What a fun read. I so struggle with the “spit” in hospitality. In my head the minute I want to invite anyone I start asking myself, “Is my place clean enough?” “Is there enough food or entertainment?”
The simple, spontaneous moments are truly the best.
Loved it!
Thanks for stopping by, Desiree! I think many of us are the same as you… but we’re all works in progress, right? 🙂 Here’s to focussing on relationships! Blessings to you!